Wednesday, July 11, 2007

Mating in Captivity

We've both been reading Esther Perel's excellent book Mating in Captivity: Reconciling the Erotic and the Domestic. It is well worth your time, whether you are partnered or not. Perel treats individuals and couples; she has a wonderfully clear-headed and non-judgmental approach, and her views on contemporary relationships and what it takes to make them function well, erotically and emotionally, are very much in line with our own. We discuss some of these issues in Chapter Five of The Essence of Tantric Sexuality and will examine them in even more depth in Tantra for Erotic Empowerment.

Here's a brief quote from Perel:

"For many of us, premeditated sex is suspicious. It threatens our belief that sex is subject only to the machinations of magic and chemistry. The idea that sex must be spontaneous keeps us one step removed from having to will sex, to own our desire and to express it with intent."

The Tantric approach to sexuality is all about consciousness and intentionality. The result of bringing awareness to sex and treating it as something to be discovered, again and again and again, is magic, not the illusory magic of infatuation and chemical attraction, but something deeper and more powerful because it is willed.


Jon said...

I hope this isn't too off-topic, but do you think a gay man (i.e., me) can practice tantra with a woman? I'm not squeamish about stroking any body part or cavity of either sex, but I don't think I could bring much heat to the experience. The problem is that I live in DC and the closet male tantric yogi I know of is in Charlottesville, VA, several hours away. Maybe there's no right or wrong answer, but I'd love to hear your thoughts.

Mark and Patricia said...

It's really all about having an attitude of reverence and collaboration, and that's not gender specific. The experience may be somewhat different energetically, but it will be no less valid.