Saturday, September 01, 2007


Fantasy seems to be a loaded subject in the Tantric community and elsewhere. Recently, we talked about this with a friend and long-time practitioner, and she expressed the view that engaging in sexual fantasy is almost antithetical to the Tantric approach, since it takes you out of the moment and prevents you from being present. Others argue that fantasies are negative for a variety of reasons; some people in relationships feel that fantasizing about others borders on cheating; some people are ashamed or disturbed by their fantasies. While some who believe that we create our own reality suggest that fantasizing is dangerous because it borders on committing a thought crime.

We don't share these opinions and feel that the conscious exploration and use of sexual fantasy can be a valuable way to expand your sexual repertoire. Fantasy is also a key component for building a high level of arousal for the purposes of the sex magic practice we describe in The Essence of Tantric Sexuality. Imagination is one of the most powerful resources we human beings have at our disposal, and what is fantasy (or any form of visualization) if not an act of imagining? If you find yourself becoming too limited by or dependent on a fantasy, it is a good idea to try something new. We don't advocate fantasizing when you are with a partner (although we are not categorically opposed to it, especially in the context of mutual exploration), and retreating into the realm of fantasy to such an extent that you find it difficult to be present for your beloved is probably a sign of serious problems in your relationship.

The key is to be conscious and intentional when you fantasize. If you can view your fantasies as tools for discovering more about yourself and expanding your sexual capacities, you will not be using fantasy to escape; instead, you will be using it to enrich your life and enhance your ability to present.

We'd be interested in your thoughts on this subject, so please comment.

1 comment:

Mark Jones said...

I think a lot of people look at fantasy from the standpoint of not being with your partner. I remember an old cartoon I saw of a guy having sex with his girlfriend on the bottom and a playboy centerfold covering her up. This is very obviously NOT the kind of fantasy that will help a relationship.

The sexual experience is all about the joining of energies and you can't join when you aren't present.

I find a very powerful fantasy when I am with my lover is the fantasy of creation, of the energy flowing from my root chakra to hers and flowing up into her womb. The creative part that would result in a child (excepting the fact that the vet took care of that a while back, we are both over 40). That fantasy is very powerful for me and in it there is very much the joining of energies.

So yes, I agree with your premise that fantasy can play a large role in helping us know ourselves, but the right tone needs to be set for the fantasy so that you don't end up absent.