Fantasy seems to be a loaded subject in the Tantric community and elsewhere. Recently, we talked about this with a friend and long-time practitioner, and she expressed the view that engaging in sexual fantasy is almost antithetical to the Tantric approach, since it takes you out of the moment and prevents you from being present. Others argue that fantasies are negative for a variety of reasons; some people in relationships feel that fantasizing about others borders on cheating; some people are ashamed or disturbed by their fantasies. While some who believe that we create our own reality suggest that fantasizing is dangerous because it borders on committing a thought crime.
We don't share these opinions and feel that the conscious exploration and use of sexual fantasy can be a valuable way to expand your sexual repertoire. Fantasy is also a key component for building a high level of arousal for the purposes of the sex magic practice we describe in The Essence of Tantric Sexuality. Imagination is one of the most powerful resources we human beings have at our disposal, and what is fantasy (or any form of visualization) if not an act of imagining? If you find yourself becoming too limited by or dependent on a fantasy, it is a good idea to try something new. We don't advocate fantasizing when you are with a partner (although we are not categorically opposed to it, especially in the context of mutual exploration), and retreating into the realm of fantasy to such an extent that you find it difficult to be present for your beloved is probably a sign of serious problems in your relationship.
The key is to be conscious and intentional when you fantasize. If you can view your fantasies as tools for discovering more about yourself and expanding your sexual capacities, you will not be using fantasy to escape; instead, you will be using it to enrich your life and enhance your ability to present.
We'd be interested in your thoughts on this subject, so please comment.